


Coconut Icing

by rochke11



Series: We've Lived A Thousand Lives (one-shot series) [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-21
Updated: 2016-03-10
Packaged: 2018-04-16 11:41:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4624062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rochke11/pseuds/rochke11
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke and Lexa have been divorced for seven years and they're forced to see each other for the first time in three years at a wedding, with all three of their children in attendance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Wedding

**Author's Note:**

> I have this is my one-shot collection was asked by multiple people to publish it as a standalone one-shot. Hope you enjoy!

"I don't think I can do this Anya," Lexa repeated for the tenth time that morning as she paced around her kitchen.

"You have to go," Anya spoke over the phone, relaying the fact that Lexa knew all to well. "You're Jackson's godmother, not to mention the fact that Octavia would actually kill you if you missed her son's wedding. And then there's the fact that explaining why you aren't in the family photos would be entirely awkward."

"I don't see why it would be awkward, it's a very straight forward explanation."

"Actually, it's not straight at all, it's quite gay," Anya sniggered as she played off the pun. Lexa ignored it as she continued to pace. "And honestly, I don't get what the big deal is. You raised three kids together!"

"No," Lexa spoke matter-of-factly, we raised the twins together for fourteen years. We've been divorced for more than half of Dylan's life, that doesn't exactly constitute us raising her together."

"Regardless," Anya interrupted. Lexa could hear the exasperation in her older sister's voice. "My point was that I don't understand how the fact that Clarke is going to be at the wedding is such a big deal. You have three children tohether, you see each other all the time."

"Three years," Lexa admitted. It was the first time she'd admitted the fact to her sister. "I haven't seen Clarke since the twins' graduation. Three years ago."

There was silence on the other end of the line, causing Lexa to pause mid-pace. She was so focused on the silence, that she didn't register the fact that the shower upstairs that was previously running, no longer was. "I'm sorry, what?" Anya finally spoke in shock. "How is it that you've been keeping this information from me? How does that even work? Dylan alternates between your houses every week, she's thirteen and can't exactly drive herself."

"Mondays is switch day," Lexa explained. Because they'd decided to put Dylan in private school following the divorce, it didn't matter that she and Clarke lived in different towns. "Dylan simply takes different school buses home each week. There's no need for us to ever see each other."

"That's bullshit. Jake and Willa might be in college, but surely you need to talk about Dylan, and there's no way phone calls cut it."

"Emails," Lexa dropped the next bomb. "We only communicate through email."

"You are actually ridiculous," Anya scoffed. "I thought you got lunch together twice a month to discuss the kids?"

"We did," Lexa confirmed as she left the kitchen and sat down on the couch in the living room, unaware of the set of ears listening in to her conversation at the top of the stairs. Lexa took a deep breath before admitting to the reason why she hadn't heard her ex-wife's voice or seen her in three years. "At the twins' graduation when she suggested that I sign up for a dating website and I told her I didn't want to. She pressed me on it, and I told her why."

"You're such an idiot. You and Clarke somehow managed to become friends after your divorce and you went and fucked it up."

"Yes Anya I'm aware!" Lexa ran a hand through her brown curls. "I told her that even though we were done, that there would never be anyone again because she was it for me. I made a fool of myself. There's a reason why most people don't stay friends with their ex-wives. It doesn't work. So now we email and that's it. And it's worked for us."

"I now better understand why you are so worked about this wedding," Anya relented.

"Yeah."

"You still love her, don't you?"

Lexa laughed out loud at the question before providing it the most honest answer she could. "I will never not love Clarke Griffin. I am incapable of not being in love with her. But me not loving her was never our problem. Some times love just isn't enough."

Anya made a gagging sound on the other end of the line and Lexa rolled her eyes. "You sound like a sappy rom-com. And now you're stalling even further. Don't you have a wedding to get ready for?"

Lexa groaned in response. "Yes. Fine. Bye An."

"Bye little sis. Let me know how it goes, and try not to fuck anything up even more."

"I'll try."

Lexa had just hung up her phone and was trying to gather the energy to get ready when a loud, high-pitched voice echoed through the house. "Mom! Can you come do my hair?"

Taking that as her cue, Lexa got off the couch and headed upstairs. "Dylan!" She reprimanded as soon as she entered her daughter's room, "What have I told you about yelling in the house? It's totally unnecessary."

"I wasn't sure if you were still on the phone with Aunt Anya or not," the thirteen-year-old shrugged.

Lexa's stomach dropped, could her daughter have heard the conversation she'd been having downstairs on the phone? The last thing she wanted her youngest to hear was her confession of love. She didn’t want the girl getting any wrong notions in her head.

"How did you know I was talking to Aunt Anya?” she asked, hoping to gauge the girl’s reaction.

“Because I told you she called and you told me you’d call her back while I was showering. Duh.” Dylan had gotten particularly sassy in the past year, Lexa chalked it up to her finally becoming a teenager.

Lexa nodded, trying to hide her relief, and took in the fact that her child was still wearing a robe and that her long brown hair was still sopping wet. “You know I can only do your braids once your hair is dry Dyl.”

“I know,” the girl nodded before lifting up the hair dryer in her hand, "Can you blow dry it for me?”

Lexa remembered the way she used to blow dry Willa and Dylan’s hair every night after they showered while Clarke took the dog for a walk. Up until the months leading up to the divorce they hadn't strayed from their nightly ritual. After dinner, Clarke and Lexa would clean up while the kids showered. Then, Lexa would blow dry hair while Clarke took the dog for a walk. And once the kids were in bed, the couple would take a relaxing bath together. After the divorce, Willa started high school and never asked Lexa to blow dry her hair, but Lexa had kept up the ritual with her younger daughter for the first few years until Dylan insisted she could do it herself.

“Of course,” Lexa smiled as she sat on the girl’s desk chair and gestured for Dylan to kneel in front of her. It took a long time for the girl’s mane to dry entirely, but Lexa enjoyed it. Even when the kids were little, Dylan's always took longer than Willa’s. Dylan had Lexa’s hair, thick, curly, and often unmanageable. By the time she finished drying it and putting delicate braids throughout it though, it was nearly time for them to leave for the church. “So have you decided what you're wearing yet?” Lexa asked as she looked at her watch. She still needed to do her own hair and make up and get changed as well.

After admiring her braids in the mirror Dylan opened the door to her closet. One of the perks of having divorced parents who had equal custody was that she had two full closets of clothing so that she would never have to be a suitcase-kid, trekking clothes between both her homes the way her older siblings had the first years after the divorce. She’d grown up with her moms divorced and hardly remembered the time before it. She was in first grade when they split.

“I was thinking of wearing my suit,” the girl admitted with a sheepish smile.

Lexa remembered how excited her daughter had been when she'd asked for the suit for her birthday several months earlier. She remembered the way the girl had reluctantly admitted to the fact that she had only asked Lexa and not Clarke for it because Lexa was the one who wore a suit to their wedding and she wasn’t sure if Clarke would approve of her wearing one.

“Then I guess we'll be matching then,” Lexa smiled at her daughter. “Now I better go get ready. I think your brother would murder me if I missed his debut as best man.” Even though Jackson was two years older than Jake, the two had grown up effectively as cousins and were best friends.

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke and Willa were one of the first to arrive at the church. Both women liked to remain on a schedule and hated being late. The two were more a like then they cared to admit, but it was obvious to anyone that knew them both, and not just because Willa was currently studying pre-med in hopes of becoming a doctor like her mother.

Even though they were early, the church started to fill up fairly quickly. Both Jackson and Tris came from large extended families, especially when you counted Octavia’s friends and their children as family members.

“Shouldn’t they have been here by now?” Willa asked her mother, finally voicing the concern that Clarke had been dwelling on for nearly an hour. “I mean, it’s not like Lexa lives very far away from here.”

Clarke was taken off-guard by her daughter’s use of her ex-wife’s first name. She’d heard Willa use it several times in the past few years, but it still shocked her each time. Despite the fact that her relationship with Lexa had been a failure, she’d never wanted their children to pick one parent over the other in the divorce. Unfortunately though, that was what had happened. Willa had blamed Lexa for the divorce and had convinced her twin to do the same. Luckily, Dylan had been young enough to not be able to form her own opinion despite her older sister trying to convince her to. Dylan had remained neutral throughout their seven years of divorce.

“Is there a reason why you’re calling your mom Lexa and not Mom?” Clarke asked, diverting the conversation away from the fact that her ex-wife and youngest child still hadn’t arrived. She didn’t want to think about seeing Lexa. She’d been trying not to think about it all day. She’d only seen her once in the past three years, and that had been on accident. She wasn’t even sure Lexa had realized they’d both accidentally gone to the same night of Dylan’s dance recital the year before.

“It’s not that big of a deal,” Willa shrugged, “And don’t worry, it’s not like I call her that to her face, it’s just easier to say Lexa rather than to clarify which of my moms I’m talking about. And at school when people ask, it makes more sense to just say that Lexa is my mom’s ex-wife.”

Clarke abruptly turned in her seat to face her daughter. This was not the way she’d raised her daughter to act. In fact, if she really thought about it, Willa was acting more like a college version of Lexa than Clarke. “Lexa is your mother just as much as I am. And I better not hear you talking like that to your sister, do you understand?”

“Whatever,” the younger blonde crossed her arms across her chest and slouched in her seat. She then sat up a little straighter as she remembered something. “Why isn’t Finn here by the way.”

Clarke blushed as she realized that she hadn’t actually thought to invite her boyfriend to the wedding. They’d met at one of Dylan’s parent nights, he was also a divorced parent at the school. They had been seeing each other for the past couple officially for a few months, but Clarke didn’t think it was going to last. There was no real spark with him. “It seemed too soon,” she spoke, offering up an explanation. “Besides, I’m not really sure how much longer it’s going to last with him. There’s no real spark.”

“You should give it time,” Willa rebutted, “He’s a nice guy.”

Clarke knew that all of her children actually liked Finn a lot. He’d made an effort to make sure that Dylan and his daughter got along and spent time with them as well as the twins after they’d come home from college for the summer. He hadn’t even questioned why it was that Dylan spent every other week with Lexa while the twins only went over to their second mother’s house every other weekend. Finn was a nice guy, but Clarke always wanted more than that. She wanted a love that wasn’t just with someone who she got along with, but someone who challenged her and made life more exciting. She knew what it was like to have that kind of love though, and she knew it didn’t last. That it wasn’t enough.

When the music started to play, Clarke turned around just in time to see Lexa and Dylan sneaking in a side door and sliding in to the last pew on the groom’s side of the aisle. Her heart raced at the sight of them. Lexa looked like she’d barely aged in the three years since the last time they really saw each other. Meanwhile Clarke had begun to find her share of grey hairs. The first thing that she noticed though, was the fact that Lexa and Dylan were wearing coordinating suits. The sight of Lexa in a suit used to make her hornier than anything, but the sight of her ex-wife and daughter in the suits just made her heart ache. Dylan was like a smaller version of Lexa. She’d always known that of course, but it became more apparent actually seeing the two together.

“Of course she made Dylan wear a suit. Dylan has so many gorgeous dresses. I literally took her shopping last week and she got the most gorgeous blue…”

“Willa,” Clarke held a hand up, interrupting her older daughter. “Dylan looks great. I highly doubt Lexa forced her to wear that suit, Dylan doesn’t exactly do well with people telling her what to wear.”

Willa rolled her eyes, but as the music swelled she turned back around to watch the wedding procession. Clarke withdrew her camera as she started to take pictures. She smiled brighter at the sight of Lincoln and Octavia proudly walking down the aisle, ready to watch their son marry the love of his life and the entire wedding party, especially her son Jake who walked with Lincoln and Octavia’s daughter, Aurora, the maid-of-honor. She’d had an inkling for a while that Jake and Aurora had gotten past being raised almost as cousins and that they were secretly dating. And seeing the way they were so comfortable simply heightened her suspicions. She’d asked Willa about it earlier that week, but Jake’s twin had refused to comment on the matter.

The ceremony was beautiful and Jackson and Tris’ vows brought Clarke and Willa both to tears. Maybe it was because Lexa was only pews behind her, or simply because she was at a wedding, but Clarke couldn’t help but think about her own wedding. Despite how their relationship ended, Clarke only had fond memories of her wedding day and the majority of her marriage to Lexa. And even though Jackson and Tris’ vows were heartfelt, she still believed her and Lexa’s had been better. She just hoped that the newly married couple would keep their vows better than she and Lexa had.

After the ceremony, everyone gathered outside to wait for the shuttle that would take them the forty-five minutes to Polis Inn where the reception would be held and where the majority of the guests would be spending the night. Even though there would be photos taken at the Inn, the photographer insisted on getting photos of the wedding party in front of the chapel, so Clarke decided to take some of her own as well.

After the wedding party finished their photos, the shuttle still had not arrived. According to Lincoln it was only a few minutes delayed though.

“Mom! Willa!” exclaimed a cheerful Dylan as she came hustling over to her mother and sister, a dapper looking Jake behind her as well as a more reticent-looking Lexa in her trail.

“Hey Dyl!” Clarke greeted her younger daughter, “I love the suit!”

“Really?” Dylan asked, her eyes wide with appreciation. Being a young teen she craved approval, even if she didn’t want to admit that her mother’s approval mattered to her.

“Of course,” Clarke nodded, “And the best man is looking pretty nice himself.” The blonde brought her only son in to a hug.

“I was thinking maybe we can get a family picture?” Dylan asked sheepishly. “Of all of us.”

Clarke could never deny her daughter anything that made her feel more secure in their family unit, so she relented. “Of course,” she nodded.

“Hi Lexa,” she finally greeted her ex-wife with a soft smile. Any hatred that had come between them as a result of their divorce had passed before the divorce had even been finalized. Not that Clarke could ever hate Lexa anyway.

“You look nice Clarke,” Lexa smiled in return. Clarke ignored the way ancient butterflies began to waken in the pit of her stomach at the sight of the smile.

“So do you,” Clarke nodded honestly in return.

“So where do you guys want the photo?” Aurora asked, appearing from behind Jake. Clarke hadn’t even noticed her arrival, but she was holding up a professional-looking camera as she gestured to the church behind them.

“In front of the church maybe?” Clarke suggested, causing her family to nod in assent and walk towards the steps that led up to the building.

Clarke remembered the last family photo they had taken. It was at the twins’ high school graduation. Positioning themselves for that photo had been easy. The twins had stood in the middle with a parent on each side and a shorter Dylan in front of them. But now Dylan had grown and was even wearing heels and the twins weren’t the cause for the picture. The arrangement would have to be different.

For several awkward moments they tried to figure out the best way to position themselves before Dylan finally took charge. “Mom and Mama go next to each other on the second step, Willa and Jake go on either side of them and I’ll stand on the first step in the middle.”

Glad that someone had organized it, they all got in to position, but not before Willa could make a remark under her breath, “I don’t think Mama really appreciates standing next to Mom.” With the increase in the amount of times Clarke had heard Willa call Lexa by her name, there had also been a decrease in the amount of times Willa called Clarke ‘Mama’. Lately the only one who called her that was Dylan while Willa and Jake had started calling her simply ‘Mom’.

They smiled for the picture, but as soon as it was taken, she heard Willa say something under her breath again. Clarke couldn’t make out what Willa had said, but it was easy enough to figure out the general meaning behind it as it elicited a glare from Dylan. “Willa, apologize to your mom for being rude to her.”

“Why should I?” the twenty-one-year old demanded, acting more like a teenager than an adult.

“Because she’s your mother and you need to respect her,” Clarke explained simply.

“You mean like she respected you and the rest of our family by leaving you and completely rejecting us, leaving two high school freshmen and a six-year-old to pick up the pieces?” Willa’s voice had raised, bringing to argument the fight that they’d never had, not in the seven years since the divorce.

Clarke stood there in shock for several moments before her eyes darted to Lexa's. They always had when confronted with a difficult situation. But when they saw the pain that the green eyes had failed to hide Clarke knew that she had to repair the situation. It had been at Lexa's insistence that they didn't tell the children the cause of the divorce. She hadn't wanted the kids to treat Clarke any differently. It may have been Lexa who filed for divorce, but it was Clarke's fault. And it was because of Lexa's selflessness that Willa had blamed Lexa for the divorce, the divorce that hadn't been Lexa's fault at all. Clarke knew she had to fix that though.

"Stop blaming Lexa!" She exclaimed, her voice raised louder than she'd anticipated. "Lexa didn't leave us. She didn't break our family, I did. I cheated on her, and that's why we got divorced."

Clarke hadn't realized that Lincoln had just approached them to let them know that the shuttle had arrived and that many of their friends were standing close by. She had always assumed that Lexa had told their friends of her indiscretion, or at the very least that she’d told Lincoln, as he’d been her best friend since college. But the look on Octavia, Lincoln, Raven, Bellamy and Echo’s faces along with the faces of their children told her otherwise. They told her that Lexa hadn’t told anyone. It made her wonder if Lexa had told Anya, or if Lexa had dealt with the burden of knowledge by herself. All around them everyone instantly went silent. Everyone waited to see who it was who would break the silence.

In the end it was Dylan who broke it. And while it seemed like eons to Clarke before she spoke, it was only several prolonged moments of silence. “Uncle Lincoln, did you say that the shuttle was here?” Clarke would have to remember to thank her younger daughter later, for bringing normalcy to the conversation. She wondered how it was that the young teen had managed to remain unfeathered by the bombshell that Clarke had just dropped.

“Uh, yeah it is,” the father of the groom confirmed. This statement seemed to spur the bystanders in to motion as they all set about making their way to the shuttle bus.

It seemed like none of the Griffin-Woods family knew how to respond by the reveal that was seven years in the making. They all stood there silently, waiting for someone else to bring up the elephant in the room until they realized that they too needed to board the shuttle. The children boarded first and took three seats together in the back of the bus, leaving only two other seats available. Two seats next to each other which Clarke and Lexa reluctantly took.

When the shuttle set in to motion, the bus started to titter with conversation, everyone talking to their seat mates. After several minutes of incredibly awkward silence, Lexa finally broke it. “You shouldn’t have done that,” she spoke. “We decided that we weren’t going to tell them.”

“I was tired of Willa acting like a bitch to you.”

“She’s not that bad, and it’s not even like you ever see the way she acts to me anyway.” Even though it had been three years since Clarke had heard Lexa’s voice, she could still read her like an open book and she knew that she was trying to hide pain behind snark.

“Maybe not,” Clarke relented, knowing that she was in the wrong, “But I do know the way she talks about you and it’s not right. We didn’t raise her to act that way.”

“If she had to find out, I would have preferred it to have been in a more controlled environment,” Lexa explained. Clarke knew by the way Lexa was speaking, in perfect, controlled sentences, that she was trying to gain control over not just the conversation, but the situation as a whole.

“Clearly things don’t always go as planned,” Clarke returned, starting to feel annoyed. Obviously she wasn’t happy with the situation either.

“I told Dylan two years ago.” Lexa’s words hit Clarke like a punch in the stomach. “I never told anyone, not even Anya, but two years ago Dylan was upset to find out that Caris, you know her best friend? Well she was really upset that Caris’ parents were splitting up, especially since her Dad cheated on her Mom. She couldn’t understand why it had happened. And hell our daughter really catches on quick to things, because she must have figured out from my reaction that it was a sore subject.”

“So what happened?” Clarke asked.

“She straight out asked if that’s why we’d gotten divorced. And I couldn’t lie to her, so I told her the truth.”

“Why didn't you tell me?” For two years her younger daughter had known about her infidelity, but hadn’t treated her any differently.

Clarke watched as Lexa took a deep breath before answering her question. “She promised me not to tell you that she knew. I explained to her that I didn’t hate you and that I’d gotten past it and that even if it ruined our marriage, that it was just the straw that broke the camel’s back and that I still respected your role in the lives of our children. I asked her not to treat you any differently and she promised she wouldn’t. She said that if I of all people could forgive you, that she could too.”

“She’s something special our Dylan,” Clarke sighed. She dwelled for a moment on the fact that Lexa had admitted to forgiving her. Even though she knew it to be the case based on interactions she’d had with her ex-wife, she’d never actually heard her say the words before.

“All three of them are,” Lexa added, to which Clarke nodded.

Not knowing what to say next, the exes sat in silence the entire remaining ride to the reception. Meanwhile, their children sat in the back of the bus, discussing the the new-found knowledge and what it meant to them going forward, discussing things that the children of all divorced parents did at some point.

 

* * *

 

 

Not knowing how many of Lincoln and Octavia’s college friends had been invited to the wedding, Lexa had been concerned about the seating arrangements. While it was a given that she would have to interact with Clarke, she’d really wanted to avoid sitting at the same table as her at the reception. Luckily though, Jackson and Tris had had the forethought to separate them and while Clarke was seated with Raven, Wick, Bellamy, Echo, Jasper and Maya, Lexa was seated at a table with Harper, Harper’s husband, Monroe, Murphy, Monty and Miller. Both she and Clarke were the only single ones at their respective tables, but Lexa did find it to be a relief that they weren’t at the same table.

After the toasts were made and everyone got through their dinners, Lexa falling in to an easy conversation with Monty and Miller about their son’s desire to go to college for tennis, Lexa felt a soft hand on her shoulder. She put down her cocktail and turned around to find her son there.

“Hey Jake,” she smiled. “Your best man toast was great.” It was. He’d managed to both embarrass Jackson and bring up some of the best memories he had of him. Many of them involving them going on family vacations together.

It had surprised Lexa that references to old family vacations actually made her smile and gave her a familiar feeling in her heart that wasn't unpleasant at all.

"Thanks Mom," Jake smiled genuinely in response. While Lexa's relationship with Jake wasn't as bad as hers was with Willa, it had certainly suffered as a result of the divorce. When Jake had been growing up, Lexa had been his baseball coach and had been the one he turned to when he needed help with anything. In the years following the divorce though, he'd sort of gone into a limbo, failing to have a close relationship with either of his mothers.

"Rora and I were going to go do Jager bombs, you want to join?" He offered an olive branch.

Grateful for the offer, Lexa nodded and said goodbye to her college friends, following her son to the bar where the sister of the groom was waiting for them.

"So you and Rora, huh?" Lexa grinned, not oblivious to what was in front of her.

"Yeah," he shrugged sheepishly, admitting to his relationship to one of his parents for the first time.

"How long?" Lexa asked.

"Almost a year." The length of his secret relationship surprised Lexa, but she tried not to let that show on her face.

"Don't fuck it up," she laughed, knowing that her son was like her in his tendency to avoid acting emotional when he didn't have to. Willa was the same, though his twin would never admit to being similar to Lexa at all.

"I won't," he conceded as they made it to the bar.

Lexa greeted Aurora with a hug, telling her how much she looked like her mother. She had many of Octavia's features, but in personality she was much more like Lincoln, a stoic teddy bear.

They took their shots, but before they had a chance to ask for another, they were joined by the girl who looked painfully like Clarke.

"Can I talk to you for a minute Mom?" Willa asked, looking like a puppy who'd just been caught with her head in the toilet.

"Of course," Lexa excused herself from her son and his girlfriend, following Willa to the other side of the bar where they took seats beside each other.

"I'm sorry," the blonde spoke. "I've pretty much been a bitch you for seven years straight because I thought you left Mama for no reason."

"It's not entirely your fault," Lexa offered, grabbing her daughter's hand and squeezing it reassuringly. "Mama wanted to tell you guys so you could learn from her mistakes, but I didn't want you to treat her any differently. You three are the most important people in the world to us and we didn't want you to hurt any more than our divorce was going to hurt you in the first place."

"How long was she cheating on you for?" Willa asked. Now that she knew the root of the divorce, she needed to know the whole story and Lexa wasn't in a position to deny her that knowledge. "I can't believe she had sex with someone else while you were married. You always seemed so happy until literally the month before you told us you were getting divorced."

"She didn't have sex with anyone else," Lexa needed to clear the air. "There was another doctor in the same department as her, it doesn't matter his name. She didn't realize she was emotionally cheating until one night they were out for drinks and he called it a date. She went back to his apartment with him and they kissed, but she stopped it before it went any further. She told me about it that very night when she came home."

"But why?" Willa was practically pleading at this point.

"I don't think even she knows. It was hard though at that time. You and Jake were starting high school at the same time as Dylan was starting elementary school. I was in my first term as mayor and she had just gotten new responsibilities as an attending surgeon. We were both stressed and hardly had time for one another. Sometimes things just happen and they're shitty, but you can't change the past."

"You've forgiven her, haven't you?" Willa asked, shocked, "You even stayed friends with her. For the first four years anyway."

"I stopped hating her the moment I realized how much worse it was to hate someone who would always hold your heart," Lexa blamed the overly emotional response on the mix of cocktails and the Jager bomb.

"Something happened at my graduation, didn't it? And that's why you haven't seen each other in three years." Willa was finally putting the pieces together in her head. "I know you haven't seen each other since then. I know I've been away at school, but Dylan told me."

Lexa was currently in the longest conversation that wasn't an argument with her older daughter for the first time in seven years and that wasn't something small. If she wanted to repair her relationship with the girl, then she needed to tell her the truth. So for the second time that day, she explained what happened that day. "She suggested I sign up for a dating website. I was somewhat drunk at the time and told her that I would never be able to have a relationship with anyone. She would always be it for me. I never asked for my heart back from her. She still has it and she always will."

"Oh shit," Willa muttered, "I could see how that would ruin your friendship."

"You sound like Aunt Anya."

"She has a boyfriend you know," Willa offered. "His name is Finn. He's nice, not a bad guy, but she doesn't love him."

Lexa's heart sunk at her daughter's words. It's not like she hadn't thought about Clarke dating again, but being told that she really was fractured the heart she had promised to keep only for her children. "Well I wish her luck then," Lexa was aware of the dejection in her voice, but she couldn't care enough to hide it.

"Okay, that sounds like we need more to drink," Willa stood up with a look of determination in her eyes and gestured for her mother to do the same. After standing, Willa pulled Lexa in to a hug, one they stayed in for several long moments before the younger girl pulled Lexa back to her brother and his girlfriend.

They took shots together while they watched Dylan dancing with the newly married couple. Lexa remembered when she and Clarke first decided to get pregnant for the second time. They knew there would be a large age gap between the youngest and the twins and hoped that the three would still be able to have a good relationship. The age gap was what they were more worried about, not the fact that the twins were biologically Clarke's and that the youngest would be biologically Lexa's. They'd left their worries behind though when they realized that Dylan would be turning thirteen at the same time the twins would be able to legally drink, that they would be far apart in age that they would likely not get in to as many arguments. Clarke had joked that they'd be drinking with the twins around the same time Dylan would start having her first crushes. As she stood at the bar with Willa, Jake and Aurora, Lexa couldn't help but feel that Clarke was missing out on exactly the things they'd spoken about wanting to enjoy together.

 

* * *

 

 

From across the room, Clarke watched has Lexa drank and laughed with their twins and Aurora. She felt a pang of jealousy, but also a slight feeling of content. After everything that had happened, Lexa deserved the opportunity to reconnect with their older children. It made her miss all the time they had spent together as a family. She’d been missing that time more and more every time the twins came home from college. When they were home with Dylan, she knew that she was supposed to see that as their completed family, but without Lexa, nothing would ever be complete.

If only she’d realized that sooner. If she’d realized that sooner, then maybe she wouldn’t have spent the past three years communicating with Lexa only occasionally via email. Maybe they could have kept some semblance of a family structure. Instead, she’d freaked out when Lexa had effectively told her that she would always love her. She’d thought it wasn’t fair. Lexa shouldn’t have been the one suffering just because she’d fucked up.

It wasn’t until she saw Lexa drinking and bonding with the twins that she realized that Lexa wasn’t the only one who’d never asked for her heart back. And that was why she couldn’t love Finn. She couldn’t love Finn because she’d given her heart away the summer she spent in Lexa's hometown on the beach the summer before she started college. She’d given her heart away and had never thought to ask for it back.

Clarke continued to stare at her ex and her older children, not noticing their youngest recognizing the way Clarke was looking at Lexa. She didn’t know that Dylan had overheard Lexa and Anya on the phone. She had no way of knowing that Dylan had realized that Clarke still loved Lexa before Clarke even realized it herself. And she certainly didn’t notice Dylan excusing herself from the bride and groom to request a song from the DJ. Because if she had, then maybe she wouldn’t have been so surprised to hear the first few beats of Rachel Platten’s song, “Fight Song”.

The song had become popular the year she and Lexa had gotten married and it was the song to which they’d choreographed their first dance. It was an unconventional dance, highly choreographed with lot’s of fun moves. And Clarke still remembered every move.

Across the room, she made eye contact with Lexa, ignoring the looks they were both getting from those who had attended their wedding. She ignored the way Dylan stopped Octavia from approaching the DJ to ask him to change the song.

Lexa never forgot anything and Clarke knew that. She knew that Lexa remembered every move just as well as she did. They didn’t have to say anything to know that for three minutes, they would be going back twenty-five years to their wedding. They met in the middle of the dance floor just as the chorus started for the first time.

Three years without talking, and seven years since their divorce and twenty-five years since the last time they danced to the song all disappeared as their bodies moved in sync. Clarke felt the smile on her face widening to match Lexa’s as their bodies remembered the way they never had to work to find sync with one another. She had no eyes for the crowd that had circled around them to watch them spin one another and duck under arms. She had eyes only for the green-eyed girl she’d fallen in love with all those years ago.

The three minute song ended much too quickly for Clarke’s liking. It seemed like only a second after she first grabbed Lexa’s hand to spin over her shoulders, they were reaching the last sequence of choreography.

“Cause I’ve still got a lotta fight left in me,”

Lexa spun out of the turn and Clarke kissed her hand, just as tenderly as she had the night of their wedding.

“No I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me.”

Clarke spun in to Lexa, just as the choreography dictated. And the last beat of the song rang out. It was all exactly how it had been twenty-five years previously, but without the dip and kiss Lexa had improvised that night.

The circle that had formed around them burst out into cheers, Dylan grinning proudly at her accomplishment. It was at the sound of the cheers though that Clarke knew exactly what would happen next. It was too much, it was all too much. Even before Lexa pulled away from her, she knew it was going to happen. Lexa fled away from her through a gap in the circle, surprising everyone except her ex-wife.

At Lexa’s escape, the crowd quickly dispersed and Clarke’s children quickly approached her. “Stay here,” Clarke insisted, knowing that Lexa would not take kindly to their entire family following her out of the reception hall. The three nodded, but exchanged looks of confusion as Clarke ran out in search of her ex-wife.

“Lexa!” Clarke called out as she ran out in to the garden lit only by fairy lights. When Lexa didn’t turn around, Clarke swore under her breath, shedding her heels the were only getting caught in the soft grass. “Lexa, stop!”

It wasn’t until they reached the far end of the garden, when there was a nowhere else to go, that Lexa finally stopped and turned around. Her eyes were watery and reflected the fairy lights around her, and if they were in a different situation, maybe at a different time, Clarke would tell her how beautiful she looked.

“Lexi, please talk to me,” Clarke pleaded.

Clarke’s use of her nickname seemed to spark something in Lexa, because suddenly she wasn’t sad, she was angry. Clarke couldn’t remember the last time she had seen Lexa angry like that. Even after she’d told her about cheating on her, Lexa had just been sad. During the divorce proceedings, Lexa had never once raised her voice. It was like she’d been broken. She’d never acted angry towards her. Until now.

“Why?” Lexa demanded. Clarke opened her mouth to speak, but was interrupted by the bitter brunette. “No, I’m talking. Why? Why did you do it? I told myself I’d never ask, because really, I didn’t want to know, but now I do. We were so happy, even when things were hard. I loved you so much, hell I’m not sure how, but I still do. Back in there dancing with you just now made me realize how easy it was supposed to be. We were the couple everyone compared themselves to. We were supposed to drink together with the twins and tease Dylan about her crushes together. We promised to be forever. Why? Why Clarke? What did I do that made you want to throw it all away? What happened to us?”

Even through her anger, Lexa’s eyes spilled over with the tears that had been welling in her eyes. She knew that Lexa was waiting for her response, but Clarke didn’t even know the answer to half her questions. She didn’t know why she cheated with the other attending. All she knew was that she and Lexa had been more focused on their children at the time and hadn’t spent enough time together. “I was lonely,” was the only answer she could muster.

“You were lonely?” Lexa scoffed, her anger rising back within her. “You fucked it up all because you were lonely? Well guess what? I’ve been lonely for seven years.”

Lexa’s statement broke Clarke’s heart even more than the divorce itself had. It was proof that she had destroyed the person she’d cared most for for the longer amount of time. But if she thought that was hard to hear, Lexa’s next statement broke her even further.

“Why wasn’t I enough?” The brunette’s voice cracked and the anger fell away as tears fell down her face.

Clarke didn’t even realize she was crying until Lexa’s form became blurry in front of her.

“I’m so sorry,” Clarke croaked. “You were always enough, I was just stupid and let all the stress we were both facing get ahold of me. You’ll always be enough. I just…” she trailed off. She wiped her eyes and saw that Lexa was looking at her expectantly, waiting for her to bring up the conversation that had led to their three years without seeing each other. “You told me at the twins graduation that I still had your heart and that scared me because I didn’t want to hold on to something so precious, knowing what I’d done to it. And I’ve asked myself many times over the years why we’d never done this, really fought and yelled. I asked myself why it was that you never asked for your heart back. But I never asked for mine back either. I’ve tried dating, but I can’t bring it in myself to fall in love again, because I never really fell out of love in the first place.”

Clarke watched as a dawning of understanding fell across her ex-wife’s face.

“What I’m trying to say is that I’m sorry. I’m so goddamn sorry that I broke our family. I’m sorry that I left you to be lonely. And I’m sorry that I let Willa and Jake hate you for seven years. I’m sorry I didn’t pressure you to let me tell them the truth. I’m sorry that you still trust me to hold your heart. And above all, I’m sorry that I still love you, because I don’t deserve it, and you deserve the world.”

For once, Clarke didn’t know how Lexa would react, but if she had to pick a reaction, it wouldn’t have been the one that Lexa gave her. The brunette closed the distance between them, backing Clarke up against the fence. For a brief moment, Clarke registered the way Lexa’s eyes glanced down at her lips. Then they were on hers.

The kiss was natural, easy and it was as if they hadn’t spent seven years without kissing. Their bodies had always been so in sync. They’d never had to worry about their physical attractions. Life had been their problem, not each other. But they had never mixed a kiss with the salt of tears before. That was the only thing that set it apart from others in their past. Clarke knew that it was a kiss that came in the heat of the moment, that it couldn’t have meant anything, but she couldn’t bring herself to pull away. She couldn’t pull away, not when Lexa swiped her tongue across Clarke’s lower lip, asking for entrance. Not when kissing Lexa felt like coming home after wandering around in the abyss for seven years.

When they finally pulled apart minutes later, both in need of air, they rested their foreheads together. They stayed like that for several long moments as they regained their breath, bodies flush against each other, arms wrapped around one another.

“I should have fought for you,” Clarke broke the silence. “I never even tried to save us.”

“I didn’t either,” Lexa relented, pulling away so that while they were still holding on to each other, they could now see each other’s faces.

“I miss you.”

“I miss you too.”

“I’ll always love you,” Clarke repeated her sentiment from earlier. “I am just as in love with you now as I was on our wedding night.”

“I still love you as well,” Lexa nodded in agreement. “But is that enough? Can loving someone really be enough?”

“I don’t know,” Clarke sighed. It hadn’t been enough in their past, who was to say that it would be enough now.

“Dylan thinks there’s still a chance we’ll get back together,” Lexa admitted, “She thinks she’s subtle, but she’s not. She was the one who requested our song. Willa knows we both still love each other. And Jake is dating Aurora and we’ve been a horrible example for what a healthy relationship looks like.”

“What are you trying to say?” Clarke, trying to latch on to her ex-wife’s train of thought. She seemed to be all over the place and Clarke didn’t know what it was that Lexa was trying to tell her.

“What I’m trying to say is that I don’t know. I don’t know either if love is enough, not when we have three kids who are more important than our relationship. They need to come first. I don’t want to give Dylan false hope, or risk ruining either of our relationships with Willa, or being an even worse example to Jake. And I…”

Clarke took a leap of faith and quieted Lexa by pressing her lips against hers. She immediately felt the tension fall from the other woman’s shoulders. “You’re thinking too hard,” Clarke sighed after pulling away from the kiss. “We can do this slowly, or not at all. It’s up to you. If we decide to try being us again, we can keep it private for as long as we think is necessary. Whatever you want to do Lexa, I’ll do it. I can’t lose you again, and even if that means I can only have you as a friend, I can live with that.”

Lexa looked hard at the blonde before pulling her close again, in to a strong hug. “Okay,” she spoke in to the woman’s neck. “I’m ready to try. I want to fight for us.”

“I’m glad we chose Fight Song as our song,” Clarke smiled, placing a kiss against the brunette’s neck.

“Me too,” Lexa agreed.

“We should probably head back inside,” Clarke pulled out of the hug and gestured to the inn behind them. She grabbed Lexa’s hand and intertwined their fingers. “They’re probably about to cut the cake and I heard it has coconut icing on it.”

“That’s my favorite.”

“I know,” Clarke grinned as she pulled her girlfriend back inside. There were many things she knew about Lexa, her favorite type of icing was - so to speak - simply the icing on the cake.


	2. The Mountain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two months after the wedding of Octavia's son, Clarke and Lexa finally meet up again. They slowly try and find their way back to one another. Then, Lexa decides it's time for them to take a weekend trip away. Alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> five months later, part 2 is finally here! Also, originally I was just writing this second part, but decided that part two needed to be split into two chapters. So this whole piece will now be three chapters and I promise it won't take another 5 months to post chapter 3, especially considering the fact that it's mostly written!

It wasn’t for another two months after the wedding, two months after their unexpected kiss, that Clarke and Lexa saw each other again. Neither woman was ready to admit to their children that they were hesitantly trying to be in each other’s lives again, so they waited until Willa and Jake flew back to their respective schools and Dylan went back to school herself before seeing each other again.

Once the kids were back at school, Lexa and Clarke had more free time, time to see each other without their children being any the wiser.

They met for coffee in town after Lexa dropped Dylan off at her first day of eighth grade. When Lexa arrived, Clarke was already sitting at a table with a steaming cappuccino in front of her. Lexa sighed in relief at the sight. They didn’t have to worry about any kind of awkward paying situation this way, so she ordered herself a latte, paid for it and placed the drink on the table across from her ex-wife.

Clarke promptly stood up to greet Lexa and after a moment’s hesitation, they hugged. It was a short hug, nothing like the ones they’d once shared, holding each other for long periods of time just because they could, and after they separated, they took seats across the table from one another.

“How are -” Lexa spoke at the same moment Clarke said, “How have you -.”

They women smiled awkwardly and Lexa gestured to the blonde. “You first, how have you been?”

“Good,” Clarke nodded. “You?”

“Same,” Lexa echoed her ex-wife’s sentiments. A brief moment of silence passed.

“Is it just me…” Clarke spoke as Lexa simultaneously said, “This is a bit…”

They both laughed awkwardly.

“I wasn’t expecting this to be so awkward,” Clarke admitted.

“Neither did I,” Lexa shook her head. “How did it work before? When we were first divorced this was easy. Talking to each other.”

“It was easier because all we talked about were the kids,” Clarke offered an explanation. “And I was just grateful that you didn’t hate me. I was still trying to fall out of love with you because I assumed you’d never love me again.”

Lexa stared down at her drink and stirred the spoon in it, needing something to do with her hands.

“It’s different now though,” Clarke continued. “Because we both know we’re in love with each other.”

Lexa’s eyes shot up and met her ex-wife’s. “Maybe we should start with a safer topic.”

“Oh, yeah,” Clarke looked down sheepishly. “Right.”

“We can start by talking about the kids again,” Lexa extended an olive branch, causing Clarke to look back up at her.

“We can do that,” Clarke agreed.

“So, I’ve been working on my relationships with Willa and Jake,” Lexa explained. “Jake has been easy. He’s not the biggest talker, but he’s come over for movie nights a few times. He’s even left some of his clothes at my house when he’s over. Instead of bringing them back and forth in a bag to yours like he used to.”

“That’s awesome Lex,” Clarke grinned genuinely. She’d always hated the fact that her two oldest children had spurned her ex-wife after the divorce, but had struggled to convince them not to. “What about Willa?” she asked, with slight hesitation. Willa was their headstrong, stubborn daughter, but she was also hesitant when it came to relationships of all kinds. She reminded Clarke of Lexa more and more as she grew up.

“We’re working on it,” Lexa nodded. “She’s apologized for icing me out of her life, but I don’t think either of us really know how to make up for those years. We’re trying though. She’s promised to call me three times a week now that she’s back at school. How has she been with you?”

Clarke frowned at the question. She was genuinely happy that Willa and Lexa were making amends, but her own relationship with their oldest daughter wasn’t great. Since learning that Clarke was the cause of her parents’ break-up, Willa had been bitter towards her blonde mother.

“She’s been a little distant,” Clarke admitted, this time taking her own turn to look down at her coffee and stir the rock candy in it. “I get why, I lied by omission to her for years. It’s my fault that we’re divorced. It’s my fault that she felt she only had one parent for so long. It’s my fault, all of it.”

“I lied by omission as well,” Lexa conceded. She took a leap of faith and extended her hand across the table and placed it on top of Clarke’s. She didn’t try and hold her ex-wife’s hand, she just left her hand there as a form of reassurance. She wasn’t going to tell Clarke that she wasn’t at fault, because they both knew the blonde was at fault, but they both shared part of the burden.

They’d always shared the burden.

They’d shared the burden of Lexa’s sister, Tris’ death. They shared the burden of what had happened to Dylan’s namesake. That was what they did. They shared the burden.

That was why neither of them had been eager to explain to their children why they’d gotten divorced in the first place.

Even though everything was out in the open now, they were still able to share the burden.

“On a lighter note, I broke up with Finn,” Clarke spoke after several long moments of silence.

When Lexa moved to pull her hand away from Clarke’s, Clarke turned it over and grasped it. Lexa didn’t try and pull it away again.

“I broke up with him the day after the wedding,” Clarke explained. “He was a bit upset, but I needed to do it. I told Dylan about a week later. I was expecting her to be upset as well, considering the fact that she’s friends with his kid, but she was strangely happy about it.”

Lexa laughed out loud as soon as Clarke finished her story as she remembered the way Dylan had acted nearly two months earlier after returning from her other mother’s home one day. “Dylan told me that you broke up with him. I’d barely opened the door after Willa had picked her up from yours when she came bounding into the house making it very clear that you were single and that Finn was no longer in the picture.”

“It’s almost like she wants us to get back together or something,” Clarke joined in on Lexa’s laughter.

“You’re still okay with not letting anyone know about this,” Lexa gestured between them with her free hand, “Right?”

Clarke nodded.

“It’s not that I feel guilty or anything,” Lexa spoke nervously, not wanting to give Clarke the wrong impression. “It’s just that I know how crushed the kids would be if they found out that we were talking again and it didn’t work out.”

“Do you…do you think we won’t be able to work it out?” Clarke asked hesitantly.

“I don’t know,” Lexa admitted truthfully. “I know it won’t be easy though. It’ll be different this time. We aren’t teenagers falling in love at the beach. We’re adults with jobs and kids to worry about. And I need to learn to trust you again.”

“I’m in this Lex,” Clarke spoke with conviction. “I’m not going to let you go. I’ll do whatever it takes.”

Lexa smiled and squeezed her ex-wife’s hand.

When they parted, an hour later, Lexa left a kiss on Clarke’s cheek.

It didn’t take long for their weekly coffees to turn into nearly daily lunch dates as they took turns finding lunch spots near one another’s places of work.

Willa, Jake and Dylan were still the main source of their conversations, but only because they were such a big part of their lives. They were no longer using their children as a crutch in conversation. Conversations now flowed more freely.

The ex-wives spoke about the years that had gone by without communication. They talked about their jobs and friends. Lexa was surprised to learn that Clarke had still remained in contact with Anya. They spoke about the summer they had met at Lexa’s family’s Inn, which in turn had led to more somber discussions about the two girls they’d lost that summer.

 

* * *

 

It was a Thursday afternoon in late October when Lexa changed their routine. Instead of parting ways with kisses on cheeks, Lexa placed her hand on Clarke’s cheek, in the same spot she had kissed the day before.

Clarke looked at Lexa in confusion, but didn’t speak her question out loud. She didn’t have time, because Lexa swallowed her fear and pressed her lips to Clarke’s.

It took Clarke barely a moment to register what had happened, and happily returned the kiss. It wasn’t a long kiss, but it felt a long time coming.

Each time after that first time, the goodbye kisses grew longer, and hello kisses were added into the mix as well. They had agreed to take things slowly, but there was also an unspoken agreement that Lexa would be the one to decide when they would take things to the next level. And by December, they were both ready to take that next step.

The first weekend in December, a work trip that had been on Lexa’s calendar for months was cancelled. It seemed as if the stars were aligned. Instead of telling Clarke that she could take Dylan back that weekend, as she was supposed to have her in the first place, she decided to take advantage of her suddenly free weekend.

The first thing she did was call her dad to see if he could watch Dylan for the weekend, and after he agreed with only a handful of interrogatory questions, she called Clarke with her idea.

“Can you make up a fake conference for this weekend?” Lexa asked as soon as Clarke answered her call.

“What?” Clarke asked.

“Mine got cancelled and I want to take you away for the weekend. Dad said he’d take Dylan, but we need an excuse for you so that nobody catches on. As far as Dylan is concerned, I still have my conference this weekend.”

“You want to go away with me for the weekend?”

“I do,” Lexa grinned into the receiver as she spun around in her desk chair, beginning to feel like a giddy teenaged girl. “Is it so weird for a woman to want to take her girlfriend away for the weekend?”

It had been many years since Lexa had called Clarke her girlfriend, but the title seemed to fit better than any other at that point. Sure, Clarke was still her ex-wife, but that title implied a hostility that no longer existed and a lack of a relationship where one was now blooming.

“Did you just call me your girlfriend?”

“I did,” Lexa responded, suddenly now nervous. “Is that okay? I know we haven’t exactly talked about labels or anything, and I know that’s such a high school thing to say, but I just figured that’s where we were an…”

“Lexa!” Clarke interrupted the woman on the other end of the line. As soon as Lexa shut up, Clarke continued speaking. “If that’s something you’re comfortable with, then yes. I am your girlfriend. And yes, I would love to go away for the weekend with you. I’m sure I can think of an excuse. Where are we going?”

Lexa smiled as she thought about the planning she’d already done for the weekend in the 24 hours that had passed since she’d learned about her free weekend. She didn’t want to give away all her plans to Clarke, but she also wanted to make sure that Clarke packed appropriately.

“It’s a surprise,” Lexa responded. “The only hint I’ll give you is that you should pack your ski clothes.”

Lexa grinned as she heard Clarke yelp excitedly on the other end of the line. Both women loved to ski.

That Friday, Lexa pulled up to Clarke’s house, nervous. Her dad had just come and picked up Dylan, so it wasn’t being found out about that she was nervous about. She was nervous that this weekend would change everything. She was afraid that she’d take things to far, or that there wouldn’t be enough for them to go forward with. Lexa knew that the weekend would either make them or break them. That afterwards, they’d break up or be telling their children that they’d made up. Lexa hoped for the latter.

“So I’m a bit nervous, but I’m also really excited,” Clarke admitted as soon as she opened the door once Lexa arrived.

“Me too,” Lexa agreed as she placed a kiss on her girlfriend’s cheek. “So are you all packed and ready to go?”

“Yep,” Clarke grinned, opening the door wider to reveal twice as many bags as Lexa had packed. Lexa rolled her eyes at the sight. Her girlfriend wasn’t exactly known for packing lightly.

“Alright, let’s get your bags in the car and get going.”

Before the divorce, Lexa and Clarke had been putting away money to save for a second home. They had been saving for a house in the mountains, preferably one that they could ski in and out of on the ski slopes. They’d rented houses multiple times over the years, but they’d wanted one to call their own.

After the divorce, they’d thrown those plans away along with their life together.

Clarke figured out very quickly where Lexa was taking her. The mountain they’d taken their children when they were younger was just under three hours away and the drive there was a comfortable one. The two ex-wives chatted and the moments of silence no longer carried the awkwardness they had only weeks earlier.

Even though she’d never seen the home before, Clarke immediately recognized it as Lexa pulled into the driveway. The winter before their divorce, Clarke and Lexa had looked into buying the home on the mountain that was being newly built. And they would have, if Clarke hadn’t cheated on Lexa.

And that was the home Lexa had pulled into the driveway of.

“Is this…?” Clarke stuttered as they pulled in.

“Yeah,” Lexa responded as she put the car in park. “I saw that the owners were renting it out, and I thought about how perfect it would be for the weekend. Is it too much?”

“No,” Clarke shook her head. “It’s perfect.”

“Good,” Lexa smiled, exhaling as if she’d been holding her breath nervously.

“Let’s go check it out,” Clarke placed a hand on her ex-wife-turned-girlfriend’s shoulder before exiting the vehicle. Lexa followed behind her, stopping to grab their two suitcases from the back of the car.

Seeing Lexa struggling with the bags, Clarke quickly turned around and grabbed half from the brunette. “I forgot how insistent you are about emptying the car before exploring,” she laughed. On their honeymoon, Lexa had brought their suitcases to their condo on the beach in Hawaii while Clarke had explored, and every vacation following had led to the same tradition.

Clarke offering to help with the luggage marked a change in tradition. A good one.

After entering the home, the two left the luggage in the front hall and set out to explore the home, finding a large mudroom, a master bedroom, three smaller bedrooms, a kitchen, living room and den fully equipped with a large fireplace. Both women thought about how perfectly their family would fit into the home, but neither spoke the words out loud. Lexa had plans to speak her thoughts, but wanted to wait until the end of the weekend.

The first night of their weekend away, they ordered in pizza and chatted over a bottle of wine, making the decision to find some wood the next day for the fireplace.

When both women were yawning between sips of wine, they made the decision to head to bed.

“I can take one of the smaller rooms,” Clarke volunteered, immediately trying to stave off any awkward conversations.

“If that’s something you want,” Lexa nodded as she took their now-empty wine glasses to the sink. She busied herself by washing out the glasses before setting them aside to dry, hoping Clarke wouldn’t see the look of disappointment on her face.

But Clarke knew Lexa. She knew Lexa better than anyone else in the world, even after all these years, and she could read Lexa’s emotions by observing even just her profile.

“What I want is whatever makes you comfortable,” Clarke responded, walking across the kitchen to where she reached out and grabbed Lexa’s hand.

It was the first night since the divorce that Lexa and Clarke would be staying under the same roof, and the reality of the situation was hitting Lexa hard. Could she really trust Clarke again? She knew that she wanted to, she wanted to be able to trust the woman she still loved, but it wouldn’t be easy. The past months had allowed for Lexa to start to trust her ex-wife again, but she had no way of knowing whether or not she was ready to trust her completely.

Lexa turned around as soon as Clarke grabbed her hand. Looking into the woman’s blue eyes, she saw the young girl she’d fallen in love with all those years ago. The self-righteous, slightly spoiled girl who had opened Lexa’s heart again after she’d sworn off love completely.

And she felt herself opening up in front of the blonde once more.

Instead of responding to Clarke’s statement with words, Lexa pulled Clarke towards her and pressed a kiss to her lips.

“It seems like a waste to mess up to beds,” Lexa spoke after resting her head against the blonde’s.

“Always so practical,” Clarke laughed.

The women grabbed their bags and lugged them up to the master bedroom where they changed into pajamas and fell into the bed together, exhausted.

“I can’t decide if this feels awkward, or normal,” Clarke admitted once the lights were turned off and they lay still on opposite sides of the bed.

“It’s a bit of both,” Lexa agreed.

Lexa then turned onto her side and shuffled closer to the other woman. Clarke turned onto her side as well and met Lexa in the middle of the bed. Each woman placed an arm over the other’s body.

“Better?” Lexa asked.

“Mhmm,” Clarke nodded. She pressed a lazy kiss to the brunette’s lips as her eyes fluttered closed.

Moments after Clarke’s breaths evened out, Lexa was able to fall asleep to the steady rhythm.

The next morning, the two awoke to the sound of Lexa’s alarm, neither woman surprised to find that in the night they had shifted positions so that they were spooning. Clarke the big spoon to Lexa’s little spoon.

After a breakfast of coffee and cereal, the two women were geared up and heading out to the mountain, glad for the fact that they could ski right onto the mountain from their rental home.

Both Clarke and Lexa were avid skiers, and though neither had been skiing yet that season, it didn’t take long for them to get their ski legs back. They worked their way through moguls and even went down one race course together.

They stopped only once, for lunch at the lodge. After a quick lunch, they were back out on the slopes. They sped down double black diamonds and laughed together on each chairlift ride.

When they saw kids speed by them with their ski school groups, they couldn’t help but remember when their children were all that age. When they watched a young boy, probably ten or so, have a total wipeout, they both pointed out how similar that was to their son, Jake. Jake had never been the best skier in the family and was known for falling more times than everyone else in the family, combined.

They spent the entire day skiing and when they returned back to their rental home in the late afternoon, both women were near freezing. Luckily the found the wood shed and Lexa set up a fire in the den after they shed their outer layers.

“Oh my god I can’t feel my toes,” Clarke exclaimed as she jumped onto the couch and pulled a blanket over herself while Lexa worked on the fire. “Hurry up Lexa!”

“A fire takes time to get perfect,” Lexa responded. “It’ll be ready soon.”

“I don’t care if the fire is perfect, I just need you here on the couch, cuddling me,” Clarke announced, bringing the blanket up to her chin. “I need my Lexa body heat.”

At the sight of Clarke’s pouting face, Lexa decided that her fire didn’t have to be perfect, so she quickly finished it before snuggling under the blanket with her girlfriend on the couch.

The women fell asleep in front of the fire in each other’s arms, exhausted from the day of skiing. When they finally awoke, the sun had set and Clarke’s stomach grumbled.

“Do you feel like going out to dinner?” Lexa asked.

“No,” Clarke shook her head. “I don’t know when the next time is that we’ll get a weekend together, alone. And I want to spend as much time with just you as possible.”

The smile that spread across Lexa’s face was wider than it had been in a long time.

“I love you,” Lexa spoke, without letting herself overthink the words. It was the first time she’d used the word ‘love’ with Clarke since the wedding. She’d been waiting until she knew she was ready to trust her ex-wife again. But in that moment, cuddling on the couch after a day of skiing, Lexa knew she was ready. She was ready to trust the blonde again.

“I love you too,” Clarke echoed Lexa’s sentiment, her voice serious and full of emotion. This was it, they’d finally come full circle.

“And I do trust you, Clarke.”

“I know how hard that must be for you,” Clarke relented, squeezing Lexa closer to her.

The women rested their foreheads together, but their peaceful moment was interrupted by the sound of Lexa’s phone ringing. They both groaned, but after seeing that it was their daughter calling, Lexa answered the phone, putting it on speaker.

“Hey Willa, what’s up?”

“Not too much, I’m just getting ready for my sorority’s winter formal,” the couple’s oldest daughter responded. “Actually, I’m deciding between two dresses and wanted some advice. My roommates are no help, half like one and half like the other. Can we FaceTime so I can show you?”

Lexa’s eyes widened at the request and she looked at Clarke for help. Clarke quickly got up off the couch so that she would be out of view.

“Mom, are you still there?”

“Yeah, sorry Wills. The service here isn’t great.”

“Are you not at home?” Willa asked.

“No, I’m away on a work conference, remember?”

“Oh yeah,” Willa responded. “So can we FaceTime?”

“Of course,” Lexa agreed before pressing the FaceTime button. Moments later, Willa’s smiling face showed up on her screen.

“Where are you?” Willa questioned as soon as Lexa was visible. “It looks like you’re at a ski lodge or something.”

Lexa quickly glanced behind her to see what was visible to her daughter. “I’m in Montreal for the conference,” she tried to think of her pre-planned excuse. “This is the hotel they set us up in. I’m in the lobby area now.”

“It looks nice!” Willa enthused. “Alright, so help with dress picks. This one…” Willa trailed off before setting her phone down so that Lexa could see the full effect of the blue dress she was wearing. “Or….” she trailed off again and walked off screen. When she walked back on screen, she had changed into a low cut red dress.

“The blue one, definitely,” Lexa nodded. “That one is nice, but the blue one looks gorgeous on you.” What she didn’t say was that her daughter looked just like her ex-wife in the blue dress.

“Okay, that’s the one I was leaning towards anyway,” Willa smiled. She disappeared off screen again, returning back in the blue dress.

“Did you ask Mama which one she liked?” Lexa asked. Even though she didn’t think Willa was suspicious, she figured she might as well cover her spaces.

“No,” Willa stiffened visibly. “I just wanted your opinion.”

“Okay, well my opinion is that you’d look gorgeous in a paper bag,” Lexa tried not to dwell on Willa’s obvious anger. “Be safe tonight.”

“Thanks Mom, and I always am,” Willa rolled her eyes at the end of her sentence. “I should probably finish getting ready.”

“Alright, I love you!”

“Love you too,” Willa returned before both mother and daughter ended the call.

“How did she look?” Clarke asked as she cautiously returned to the room.

“Beautiful,” Lexa grinned. “She reminded me of you at that age. I’m sure she’ll send us pictures. Or they’ll go up on social media for us to see.” She tried to reassure the blonde.

“It’s okay,” Clarke shrugged before returning to the couch, working her way under Lexa’s arm. “I can handle a bit of the cold shoulder from her. Especially after what you dealt with for years.”

“We’ll make it right again,” Lexa insisted. What she didn’t say were the words on the tip of her tongue, that they would be a family again. But it was too soon for that.

 

* * *

 

After a quick run to the grocery store, Clarke and Lexa tag-teamed making a pizza together. They could have picked something a bit easier to make, but the idea of something domestic like homemade pizza appealed to them both.

Clarke was making the sauce while Lexa was kneading the dough. The blonde chuckled as she looked over at her girlfriend.

“What?” Lexa looked up from her task, fully revealing to Clarke how much flour was on her face.

“Nothing,” Clarke shrugged.

“Okay,” Lexa responded, returning to her job. Clarke hummed under her breath as they quietly worked on their own jobs until Lexa finished. “Alright the dough is all rolled out on the pan, so whenever you’re ready with the sauce.”

“Sauce is done,” Clarke affirmed, grabbing the bowl and approaching Lexa.

Together, the two women put toppings on the pizza and put it into the oven. It wasn’t until after Lexa set the timer that Clarke could no longer contain her laughter.

“Okay, what is it?” Lexa turned around, hands on her hips. “Do I have something on my face or something?”

Clarke nodded.

Lexa sighed, grabbed a napkin and started rubbing it all over her face. She managed to get most of the flour off, but missed a stubborn spot on her nose.

“Did I get it all?” the clueless brunette asked.

Clarke shook her head and closed the distance between herself and the other woman.

“Almost,” the blonde grinned, using her forefinger to wipe the flour from the other woman’s nose.

“Thanks,” Lexa smiled. As she grinned, however, Clarke’s gaze dropped to Lexa’s cleavage and she grinned in return. Somehow, Lexa had gotten flour down the front of her shirt as well.

“It seems like I missed a bit,” Clarke chuckled. Lexa glanced down and saw what Clarke was looking at.

Clarke brought out in Lexa her wild side. When she was around Clarke, she often felt like she was a teenager again. As a teenager, she’d been susceptible to Clarke’s wiles, accepting lap dances before they were dating and getting backed into washing machines in the middle of the day. Clarke had pulled Lexa out of her shell, and after their divorce she’d gone back into that shell.

Being back with Clarke was pulling her out of her shell again, so without even questioning it, she pulled her shirt up over her head so that she was standing wearing only her bra from the waist up.

Clarke’s mouth immediately watered and Lexa saw the blonde’s eyes dilate. It had been years since Clarke had seen Lexa topless, and Lexa was glad to learn that the woman still found her attractive.

“Are you going to help me with this?” Lexa asked, cocking an eyebrow as she gestured to her chest.

Clarke gulped and nodded. She cautiously reached out a hand and tenderly brushed the dust off the swell of Lexa’s breasts. They weren’t large by any stretch, though giving birth to Dylan had made them grow a bit, but they were always perfect to Clarke.

Once the dust was on the floor, rather than on Lexa’s cleavage, Clarke finally broke her silence. “I think you should put your shirt back on.”

“Oh?” Lexa questioned.

“Yes,” Clarke nodded. “Because I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep my hands to myself if you don’t, and we have a pizza in the oven that can’t be ignored if I get distracted.” She handed Lexa her shirt.

“Whatever you say,” Lexa winked before pulling her shirt back on.

When the pizza was finally finished, the two women devoured the pie, barely taking the time to savor their homemade meal.

They quickly cleaned up from dinner, and once everything was perfectly clean, Lexa backed Clarke up against the counter.

“So now that there’s no pizza in the oven, do we have any reason to worry about you getting distracted?” Lexa asked with a coy grin.

Not one to submit easily, Clarke quickly grabbed Lexa’s him and shifted it so that she could switch their positions. She now had Lexa pinned to the counter instead of the other way around.

“What about your?” Clarke questioned, not answering Lexa’s own query. “How do you feel about getting distracted?”

Before Lexa had the chance to answer though, Clarke had stripped off her shirt. This time it was Lexa’s turn to look on in awe. Before Clarke could get too cocky though, Lexa pulled her into a searing kiss.

Minutes later, Lexa was pulling Clarke up the stairs, pulling her own shirt off as she did so. It wasn’t until both women were down to just bras and panties that they paused. Both women were on top of their bed when Lexa pulled away slightly, taking in the intensity of what was about to happen.

Clarke had betrayed their marital vows. They’d gotten divorced. They’d ended their relationship. Everything that they’d built together had been destroyed. Somehow though, they’d found a way to get past all that and had found each other. And Lexa felt able to trust her ex-wife again.

“Lexa, babe, are you okay?” Clarke questioned, placing a reassuring hand on the other woman’s knee. “We can stop. We don’t have to do this.”

“No,” Lexa shook her head. “I want to. I’m ready.” She lifted a hand and ran her fingers through Clarke’s blonde hair. Neither of them were young anymore, but when they were together they both felt young at heart. Being with Clarke felt like coming home. “I trust you.”

Clarke brushed her lips against Lexa and kissed her long and slowly. They took their time even after Lexa reached a hand behind Clarke and unsnapped her bra, and Clarke dragged her nails down Lexa’s side before pulling off her panties.

They spent hours rediscovering each other’s body before they finally fell asleep, naked, entangled in each other’s limbs with a thin layer of sweat on both their bodies.

 

* * *

 

Sunday morning, Clarke woke before Lexa. She slowly extricated herself from the naked woman beside her and through on some clothes before quietly leaving the room.

In sweatpants and snow boots, Clarke stood outside on the deck looking out over the wintery landscape in front of her. Between her two hands, she clutched a steaming cup of coffee. In a flimsy t-shirt, she was slightly chilly, but not cold enough to go inside just yet.

Clarke quickly got lost in her thoughts, ignoring the cold, until she felt a blanket being placed over her shoulders. The woman who had brought her the blanket rested her chin on the blonde’s shoulder and wrapped her arms around her from behind.

“You must be freezing out here,” Lexa spoke before kissing the side of Clarke’s neck. “How long have you been awake?”

“Not too long,” Clarke returned. “I didn’t want to wake you up though.”

“I figured as much,” Lexa squeezed her arms tighter around her girlfriend. “Dylan texted me this morning asking where my Dad should drop her off.”

At that moment, both women were pulled back to reality, the reality that they led separate lives outside of their weekend getaway. The reality where they were divorced and had a child who alternated living between their homes each week.

“Have him drop her off at yours, she’s supposed to be at yours this week,” Clarke finally responded.

“I don’t want to go back, not yet,” Lexa admitted after several long moments of silence. “I don’t want to have to pretend that I’m okay being alone, that there is no us anymore.”

“What if we stop pretending?” Clarke asked, turning around in Lexa’s grasp to face her. “What if we told the kids that we’re back together again?”

Lexa looked at Clarke’s face as she listened to her earnest question. She thought for several moments before responding. “I’m scared. I’m still so scared that something will happen and we won’t work out. I can’t imagine that happening now, but logically, I have to think about it.”

“I know,” Clarke conceded. “I’m scared too. Head or heart?”

Lexa knew what Clarke was asking her. It was the question they had asked each other multiple times throughout their time together. It was a question they asked whenever they had to make an important decision. Would they choose what their head was telling them to do, or what their heart wanted? They’d picked both head and heart during different situations.

When Lexa responded, it was a quick choice. A choice she’d ultimately made when she’d inquired into buying the house they were renting for the weekend, the house she planned on becoming a place their family could call a refuge.

So Lexa responded without rethinking her answer.

“Heart.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope it was worth the wait!
> 
> \- kristen (madgirlbackhome.tumblr.com)


	3. The Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After their weekend away, Clarke and Lexa make the decision to finally tell their children about their relationship. Only, they put it off for a bit longer than anyone would really like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here it is....the final part.  
> also just a note since this is the first time i've posted a chapter of any of my fics since 3x07. I do NOT plan on stopping writing Clexa. I don't think I could if I tried, so if you're a follower of any of my other fics, stay tuned because I'll be finishing up those and putting out some new ones!

The car ride home from the mountain was a quiet one. Neither woman was ready to leave behind their oasis of love. Neither wanted to return to the reality of their lives, separate lives. Lives they’d once vowed to bound together as one, only to violently force apart.

Lexa dropped Clarke off at her house and left her with a lingering kiss and a promise to meet up the following day, before returning home herself. She’d only just managed to put away all evidence of her skiing escapade by the time Gustus arrived to drop of his youngest grandchild.

“Hi Dad,” Lexa greeted her father with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. “How was she?”

“I was an angel, obviously,” Dylan smirked, hoisting her duffle bag out of the back of her grandfather’s truck. “Do you really not trust me Mom?”

“She’s got a point,” Gustus chuckled. “She was good though. Even helped with some repairs in the backyard. Dylan may have a future as a carpenter.”

Dylan flicked her hair over her shoulder and laughed as she approached her biological mother and gave her a hug.

“I missed you,” Lexa kissed the top of her younger daughter’s head.

“How was your conference?” Dylan asked.

Lexa’s heart skipped a beat as she remembered the weekend she had. The weekend that most definitely did not include a conference, but rather skiing and making love to her ex-wife-turned-girlfriend.

“Yeah, how was it?” Gustus echoed the younger girls question. The glint in his eye told Lexa that he hadn’t entirely believed Lexa’s excuse as to why neither she nor Clarke would be home for Dylan that weekend.

“It was…” Lexa trailed off. She knew she should lie, say it was boring, but she couldn’t. Instead, she settled for a truth. “It was educational.”

“You’re such a nerd,” Dylan shook her head and walked inside.

“We’ve got guests coming this evening, so I should start heading back,” Gustus gestured to his truck. He looked over Lexa’s shoulder, making sure Dylan was inside and out of earshot before he continued talking. “How long have you and Clarke been back together?”

“I…uhh…wha…” Lexa stuttered. She too looked around to make sure that Dylan wasn’t in earshot.

Gustus chuckled. “I wasn’t one hundred percent sure you were, it was really just a hunch, but a hunch you just confirmed for me.”

“Since the wedding over the summer,” Lexa finally admitted. “That’s where it started.”

“That was nearly six months ago.”

“I’m aware.”

“Are you planning on telling the kids anytime soon?” he asked.

“Yes,” Lexa nodded. “We haven’t figured out the details yet, but yes. We do plan on telling them soon.”

“Good,” Gustus nodded.

“That’s it? Just good?” Lexa questioned. “You aren’t going to warn me to be sure, or to remember the fact that she cheated on me?”

“Do you want me to?” Gustus narrowed his brow. “You’re a grown woman Lexa. I wasn’t going to ask you those things, because I knew you’d think those questions yourself. Do you need me to ask you them?”

“No,” Lexa shook her head. “You’re right.”

“Good,” Gustus kissed his daughter’s forehead, then started to walk back to his car. “Good luck.”

Without another word, he got back into his car and sped off, leaving Lexa on her stoop alone. But only for a moment before a voice came from inside the house.

“Mom! I’m hungry! Can you make me food?”

Lexa chuckled, shook her head then went back inside.

 

* * *

 

After a week of meeting up for lunch every day, Friday came by way too quickly for both Lexa and Clarke’s likings. They couldn’t see each other on the weekends, not with Dylan around all day rather than in school. And they still hadn’t had the discussion about when they were going to tell their children about their relationship. The return of their relationship.

“We need to talk about it,” Lexa finally announced after Clarke took a spoonful of her tomato bisque.

“About how great this soup is?” Clarke asked with a sheepish laugh. “Because if you want to know if you were right, you were. This soup is fantastic.”

“I think we should wait until the New Year before we tell the kids about us,” Lexa explained. “It’s not even two weeks away, but the twins will be back tomorrow and it doesn’t make sense to disrupt their first days home with the news. Then it’ll be Christmas and I don’t want to make Christmas about us, it should be about the kids.”

“Okay,” Clarke nodded, “If that’s what you think is best.” A large part of her had really been hoping to not have to hide their relationship any longer, but if Lexa wanted to wait another two weeks, Clarke couldn’t exactly say no.

“We’ll tell them before Jake and Wills go back to school, but I think waiting until the New Year just makes the most sense,” Lexa spoke assuredly.

Lexa’s confidence in the decision was unwavering, and Clarke went along with it. Clarke supposed that she didn’t mind waiting too badly, especially if it would be for their children’s benefit.

“Okay, so now that we’ve settled that, we can backtrack to where you were telling me that I was right about something?” Lexa teased with a smirk.

“You’re Lexa Woods, it’ll be quite the day when you AREN’T right about something for once,” Clarke laughed back.

Lexa rolled her eyes at her ex-wife, her girlfriend, before reaching a hand across the table and placing it on one of Clarke’s. Clarke gripped her hand back and they spent the rest of their lunch that way as they talked about their days and what they’d already purchased their children for Christmas presents.

They made each other pinky promise that they wouldn’t get one another Christmas presents, that they would wait until next year, when they could actually be together on Christmas.

Because there was no doubt in either of their minds that this would be the last Christmas they would be spending apart.

Lunch ended much too quickly for either of their likings. Clarke paid the bill, as they’d gotten lunch closer to the hospital than Lexa’s office, and they left the restaurant. Standing on the sidewalk outside their lunch spot, they paused. They had to return to work and would have to head in opposite directions.

Clarke reached a hand forward and tucked a stray brown curl behind Lexa’s ear. She left her hand there on Lexa’s cheek for a moment, causing the woman to lean into the blonde’s touch.

“I should go back to work,” Lexa finally said, breaking the moment. “I already pushed a meeting back and I really can’t push it back any further.”

“I should too,” Clarke agreed, pulling her hand back. “I have a surgery this afternoon.”

Before Clarke could withdraw her hand completely, Lexa caught it with her own. She lifted it up and placed a soft kiss on it, before giving it a loving squeeze and dropping it to Clarke’s side.

“I’ll see you in the New Year,” Clarke spoke, a tinge of regret evident in her voice. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Lexa responded.

Neither woman initiated the hug, it happened naturally. They held on for longer than necessary, neither ready to let go. It was only a week and a half they’d be apart, but it felt like a lifetime.

Their parting kiss was brief, but tender.

On her way back to the hospital, Clarke received a text from her former sister-in-law.

> **Anya** : I hear you’re back with my sister.  
>  **Clarke** : She told you?

Clarke didn’t mind at all that Lexa had told Anya about them, but she was surprised. She would have thought Lexa would have mentioned that to her.

> **Anya** : No. But I found out. That’s not why I’m texting you.

Anya had always been to the point, so when Clarke saw the three dots signaling the fact that Anya was still typing, she decided just to wait, rather than respond right away.

> **Anya** : I didn’t blame you when you couldn’t save Tris’ life. I didn’t cut ties with you after you cheated on my other sister. I didn’t hate you after your divorce, but I’m telling you right now that if you fuck this up again, and break my sister’s heart again, I will hate you for all eternity. I don’t care if you’re the mother of my nieces and nephew. This is it, your last chance, so don’t fuck it up.  
>  **Clarke** : I won’t.  
>  **Anya** : You better not. Though I am curious, if you’re as dedicated to this as you should be, why is it that my dad had to tell me about you and Lex? Why hasn’t there been some grand gesture? Some big announcement. I know that Lexa would never initiate something like that, but both you and I know that she secretly loves that kind of thing.  
>  **Anya** : If you loved her, really loved her, we’d all know it.

Clarke had no idea how to answer Anya. She wanted to retort back with some snarky remark about how Anya didn’t know her relationship with Lexa, that their kids’ reactions were most important, but there was a part of Clarke that also knew that Anya was right.

And admitting that Anya was right was never a good idea. So Clarke left the message unanswered.

 

* * *

 

Lexa woke on Christmas morning to a silent house. It took her a moment to place the source of the pit in her stomach. But then she remembered. It wasn’t just that she was alone, but that it was Christmas morning and she was alone.

It wasn’t the first time she’d woken up alone on Christmas morning, but it still hit her like a wrecking ball. The house was void of the pitter patter of children’s bare feet. There was no squeal of excitement over the acknowledgement of Santa’s arrival. There were no warm arms to wrap around her as she sipped on coffee, watching her children open presents.

All there was, was a cold side of the bed and empty halls echoing silence.

It was a choice she had made though. She’d spent the day before with her children. She’d had Christmas Eve. Clarke had Christmas Day. It had been a bittersweet day, and she was sure that her children had caught onto her sour mood, but none had asked about it.

She’d tried to put on a happy face, glad that she finally had all her children happy with her, but she still didn’t have her family back.

As Lexa lay in bed, alone, she couldn’t help but think that she had made a grave mistake. Why had she insisted they wait until after Christmas to announce to their children that they were back together? Sure, it could have backfired, but at least then she wouldn’t be alone on Christmas morning.

It didn’t help matters that after she’d inquired about the house at their mountain, the realtor had informed her that it had already been sold. She’d waited to long. Lexa couldn’t help but think that it was an omen for her rekindled relationship with Clarke. Maybe they weren’t meant to work out.

She had no reason to think they wouldn’t, other than the fact that she hadn’t been able to buy the house, and the fact that she was feeling alone in that moment.

After feeling like she’d wallowed in self-pity for long enough, Lexa finally got out of bed. She brushed her teeth, made her bed and changed into jeans and a sweater. She didn’t have any plans to go anywhere during the day, other than Anya’s for dinner, but she always felt that she couldn’t start her day until she was dressed.

Not having anything better to do, Lexa decided to spend her day watching television. She wasn’t someone who generally spent a lot of time couch pimping, but of all days, she felt today was the day to burn an imprint of her butt into the couch.

The day went by quickly as Lexa watched the Harry Potter marathon playing on television. She was so absorbed in the marathon, that she nearly missed the sound of her doorbell ringing. In fact, it had to ring, followed by some knocking on the door, before Lexa even registered it and got up from the couch. She couldn’t help but notice that she had, in fact, left a butt print there.

The knocking persisted as Lexa made her way to the front door.

“I’m coming!” she yelled out to her unknown, clearly impatient visitor.

She finally reached the door. Opening it revealed a red-faced, shivering Clarke, hopping up and down in an attempt to stay warm.

“Oh thank God,” Clarke exclaimed.

“Clarke?” Lexa asked, confused. Realizing that Clarke wasn’t going to walk into her house without an invitation, despite the fact that she was without a jacket, and clearly freezing, Lexa opened the door wider. “Come in.”

Clarke quickly took Lexa’s invitation and entered the house. Lexa closed the door behind her and led her into the living room.

“Harry Potter?” Clarke asked with a smile as she took at a glance at the television.

“Always,” Lexa responded, quirking her lips into a slight smile.

There was a moment of awkward silence, before Clarke finally blurted out the words she’d traveled across town for on Christmas Day. “You were wrong.”

“What?” Lexa asked, clearly confused.

“Waiting until the New Year is not a good idea,” Clarke shook her head. “I knew it, even after we decided it would be best, but I didn’t want to disagree with you. I didn’t want to disagree with you because I’d do anything to have you back. The past few months, part of me has been walking on eggshells around you, waiting for you to realize that taking me back isn’t worth it. That I fucked up too much. But I can’t do that anymore.”

“Clarke, I’m not…” Lexa started, before Clarke interrupted her.

“I need to say this, okay?”

Lexa nodded, allowing Clarke to continue.

“I don’t want to wait anymore. I understand that it matters how our children react, but at this point, I can’t wait another day lying to everyone. Pretending that I’m okay without you by my side. You’re it for me, you always have been. I want our life back, the life we promised each other all those years ago. I still want to wake up with you next to me when we’re old and grey and wrinkly. I want to be able to casually mention to my colleagues that I have to get home early because I have a date with my wife. I want this stupid speed bump behind us. I’m all in Lex. Whether it means an afternoon at the courthouse or another ceremony in front of our friends and family, I don’t care. All I care about is having you back. Totally and completely. I want to be your wife again. I want to be able to say to Dylan, ‘Go ask your Mom,’ and have her yell down the hall for you. I want to make decisions with you by my side. I want to marry you again, and I don’t want to keep that a secret anymore. I want the world to know that I, Clarke Griffin, am in love with Lexa Woods. I want to be able to be able to sign our Christmas cards with love from the Griffin-Woods family.”

Lexa stood there, dumbfounded as she listened to her ex-wife go off on a rant. She heard everything Clarke said, but what really stuck with her was the passion she heard in every word, and the desperate love on full display in her brilliant blue eyes.

“And maybe it was too forward, but when I spoke to the realtor, she said that there was another interested party, and I didn’t want to miss out,” Clarke reached into her pocket and pulled out a key. “I bought the house. The house on the mountain, the one that was made for our family. It’s the one we always dreamed, and maybe I was being to spontaneous, but I don’t regret it.”

Lexa’s jaw dropped at the sight of the key, her mind still processing exactly what Clarke was admitting. As soon as she realized the absurdity behind everything, she burst out laughing. One look at the hurt spreading across Clarke’s face, however, stopped her in her tracks.

She knew she should explain why she was laughing, but before she could bring herself to say the words, she pulled the blonde towards her and into a searing kiss. After pulling away, she smiled at the shock on her blonde’s face.

“That other party,” Lexa began her explanation, “That was me. I was going to buy the house.”

“You were?” Clarke asked, dumbfounded.

“Yes,” Lexa nodded. “And you’re right. I was wrong. There’s no question in my mind of who I want to spend the rest of my life with. I already made that decisions, years ago, and the answer hasn’t changed. I want to be Lexa Griffin-Woods again. I never want to spend Christmas without you again.”

“Me neither,” Clarke shook her head. Their next kiss was soft and sweet, expressing a love that had weathered years, children and even overcome a divorce.

“Wait,” Lexa gave Clarke a look of confusion after she pulled away, “You’re supposed to be with the kids.”

“I know,” Clarke nodded. “But seeing Mom and Marcus opening presents together with them is what made me realize that I needed you there. Because only half my family was there. You, Gustus and Anya were supposed to be there too. So I told them I forgot something and ran out. Without a jacket mind you. I didn’t want to have to answer any questions as to where I was going, in case this,” she gestured to the space between them, “didn’t turn out the way I was hoping it to.”

“And what were you hoping this would result in?” Lexa asked, her voice tinged with a teasing tone.

“Me taking you back home,” Clarke answered seriously. “Back to our home. With our family.”

“Okay,” the brunette nodded. “Take me home.”

“Okay,” Clarke giggled.

“Let me just get changed, then we’ll go.”

“Do you need help picking out an outfit?” Clarke asked in a suggestive tone.

“Always.”

Helping Lexa "pick out an outfit" took over an hour.

 

* * *

 

Nearly two hours had passed since Clarke Griffin had unceremoniously left her home with the week of excuse of “forgetting something”.

There had been no speculating as to where she had gone. Not by anyone.

During the time Clarke was gone, Marcus and Willa worked on making sure that everything would be ready on time for dinner. Abby and Dylan offered to help, but knowing that their talents lay elsewhere, they were banished from the kitchen. They were banished, that is, until Jake had an idea, an idea that came after checking his phone for confirmation on something they all knew to be true.

Abby and Dylan had just completed putting the finishing touches on Jake’s idea when the sound of the front door opening caught the attention of the family. They all quickly moved to the living room, knowing that would be the first place Clarke would go to find them.

The room had been cleaned slightly since Clarke’s departure. While presents still hung around, all the wrapping paper had ben thrown in trash bags and dumped in the bins outside.

When Clarke entered the living room, she was surprised to find her parents and children there waiting, expectantly.

“Did you get whatever you forgot?” Abby asked as soon as her daughter entered the room, a coy smile playing on her lips. She was struggling to pretend that she had no idea what was going on.

“I did,” Clarke nodded. She was too nervous, yet excited, too realize that everyone in the room with her had a look of knowledge on their face. Dylan was practically jumping out of her seat in excitement, forcing Willa to hold her down in place.

“What was it?” Jake asked, wanting his mom to just get on with it so that they could enjoy a real family Christmas for the first time in a long time.

“Well it wasn’t a what,” Clarke trailed off.

“But rather a who,” came Lexa’s voice as she walked into the room.

Though everyone knew exactly where Clarke had run off to, the sight of their other mother finally back in the house they had grown up in put wide smiles onto Jake and Dylan’s faces. Even Willa had to bite her lip in excitement.

Lexa immediately walked up to Clarke’s side and the hands between their two bodies instinctively found each other, fingers quickly became intertwined.

“We were originally going to wait until the New Year to tell you,” Clarke looked over at Lexa as she spoke, “But realized that was kind of silly. Christmas is about family, and I think it’s about time we were a family again.”

Dylan squealed and immediately pulled away from Willa’s grip. She rushed towards her mothers and engulfed them both in a joint hug as best she could. The others laughed, but Lexa and Clarke simply looked at each other with a smile and hugged their youngest back.

When Dylan pulled away, she looked up at the two women, a serious expression on her face.

“I need you to say the words. Tell us that you’re back together. And for real, not just seeing where things go, because I know what that means, and it never works out,” Dylan insisted.

“Your Mama made a mistake all those years ago,” Lexa began, but wrapped a protective arm around her blonde lover. “But we both made the mistake of not trying to work past it. We have now though. We’ve been together now more or less since the wedding, and we’re not turning back. We love each other, and we’re going to be together forever now. We promise.”

“We’re going to be a real family again?” Dylan asked incredulously.

“We are,” Clarke nodded with a grin. “We’ve already decided that Mom is going to move back in here next week.”

“You’re sure?” Willa asked tentatively. She stood up and approached her parents. “You don’t think it’s too soon? After everything that happened?”

Jake too stood up, following behind his twin sister, not sure where she was headed with her questions.

“We are definitely sure,” Lexa assured the blonde who may look like Clarke, but had Lexa’s personality completely. To prove her point, she lifted up the hand she had intertwined with Clarke’s. A ring, more than twenty-years old, stood prominent on her left hand. Clarke then lifted her left hand as well, revealing her own ring.

“We wanted to use our old engagement rings, but when we get married again, we’ll get new wedding bands,” Clarke explained.

“I told you I’d have a use for that new tux soon enough,” Marcus teased his wife in the background.

With that, everyone laughed.

“Wait a second,” Lexa halted the laughter. “Why is it that nobody seems terribly surprised by this information?”

“Because we all new already,” Dylan giggled. “Duh.”

“You did? How?” Clarke asked, bewildered.

“Our phones are all linked on that family locator app,” Jake explained. He pulled his phone out and opened the app. The three children and Clarke were all listed there with their locations as ‘home’. “Dylan was the first to notice the fact that you were often taking your lunch breaks by Lexa’s office.”

“And Wills saw that you were at that ski mountain when you said you were at a conference,” Dylan chimed in.

“And it wasn’t hard to connect the dots when I FaceTimed Mom and saw that she was definitely at some sort of ski lodge,” Willa added her own explanation.

This elicited more laughter and a shake of Clarke’s head.

“This is why I should never be trusted with technology,” Clarke laughed.

“Why didn’t you ask us about it ever?” Lexa asked.

“Because it wasn’t our place,” Willa explained. “We knew there had to be a reason you hadn’t told us yet, and none of us wanted to interfere. We wanted you both to figure things out on your own without us pressuring you into deciding things one way or another.”

“Even if we REALLY wanted to tell you,” Dylan gave her older sister a pointed look.

Lexa rubbed up and down Dylan’s back reassuringly and their discussion was interrupted by the sound of the timer going off on the oven.

“Well, that would be dinner officially being ready,” Marcus announced as he stood up to turn off the over. “Why don’t we head in and eat?”

“Oh shit,” Lexa muttered. “I was supposed to go to Anya’s.”

“I got this,” Dylan smirked. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and opened the camera. She took a quick selfie with her moms, making sure to include their intertwined hands, and one of the visible rings, before sending it off to her Aunt Anya. “I think that will be a good enough explanation.”

Dinner passed by with Clarke and Lexa holding hands under the table. Something that escaped no ones notice. They were forced to recount the past six months, and give explanations. Clarke accidentally let it slip that she bought a house on a whim, something that nearly gave Marcus a heart attack, but made everyone else cheer.

After dinner, Abby announced that there was a special dessert that she and Dylan had made together. They’d made it in the time that Clarke was gone, but it was simple enough that they’d actually been trusted to bake it.

Abby and her youngest granddaughter cut the cake and passed it out. Everyone waited as Lexa and Clarke took their first bites.

“Coconut icing,” both women cooed simultaneously. They grinned at each other, and without thinking about it, leaned in close for a short, sweet kiss.

The first kiss they’d had in front of their family in eight years.

Dylan then brought up what would have been a sobering thought if everything wasn’t looking so hopeful. “I don’t have any memories of you two kissing,” she spoke. She was five when her parents divorced, her memories prior to the divorce were minimal. “And if I wasn’t so happy right now, I’d probably think it was gross.”

Without a second thought, Clarke and Lexa simultaneously stood up and enveloped their youngest in a hug, each kissing one of her cheeks. They then opened up their arms and gestured for their twins to join, and the five of them held onto each other. The first family hug they’d had in years. But it wasn’t the last.

The next week, as they helped Lexa move back in, there was another family hug after an argument broke out about closet space.

The weekend before the twins flew back to college, there was another, when after a day of skiing they retired to their new ski house.

There were two in May, one at each of the twin’s graduations.

The one in July though, that was the one that was photographed and framed, hung up above the mantel in their home. The family of five wore wide grins. Lexa, Dylan and Jake wore matching tuxedos, though Jake’s distinctly more masculine. Clarke and Willa wore matching strapless, short white dresses. They had their arms all wrapped around each other, as close to one another as they could get.

The plaque on the frame simply read, “The Griffin-Woods Family.”

Because on that day, that’s what they became. A family. Again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There it is, the long-awaited final chapter to this short little fic. I hope you all enjoyed it! I definitely enjoyed writing it. Thank you all for sticking with me in the months it has taken for me to complete these three chapters. Much love!
> 
> \- kris
> 
> commanderlexark.tumblr.com (previously madgirlbackhome)


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